ThisJustin

There once was a girl named Michelle. Michelle had a problem, she just couldn't get a date. So she decided to make some changes. You see, Michelle loved french fries, and you know what that means... all her clothes had ketchup stains. And who would date a girl with ketchup stains? Luckily Michelle used tide:

And while it made her clothes cleaner than ever, she also spilled some tide on her coke...

And she really wanted a coke. A real, colorful, coke.

So Michelle put on her ketchup-free clothes and set out to find herself a coke. As she walked down the street she still couldn't get guys attention in her newly cleaned clothes! Just then she noticed one man starring at her from his shop window. He seemed absolutely mesmerized by Michelle. He motioned for her to come into his shop. He introduced himself as Dr. Perea. Michelle said she felt fine, what could a doctor do? He said, let me show you...

Michelle knew this was just what she needed, so Dr. Perea went ahead and made some "enhancements" to her. Soon after she awoke from the surgery she noticed something different about herself. The surgery had changed more than her body. Soon Michelle was buying different products...

And trying new things...

But she still wasn't happy. So she went down to the ocean to think things over. There she met a wise old sea turtle who had a problem looking her in the eye...

The sea turtle said to Michelle:
"Quench my thirst and I shall quench your desires."

"But what are you thirsty for wise sea turtle?" Michelle replied.

"A drink unlike any other. One that will ignite the fires of passion that have layed dormant within my shell for all these years."

Michelle didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but she went looking for a vending machine anyway. When she found one it only had two products in stock: Grape Fanta and something called "Burn".

"Hmmm," thought Michelle, "which one would ignite the fires of passion in a 300 year old sea turtle?"

She closed her eyes and hit a button at random.

Out popped a can of Burn. She took it to the sea turtle. As she opened the can for him sparks flew out and fire engulfed the couple...

The sea turtle had transformed into a handsome young man!

After spending three months in the hospital recovering from the burns caused by... Burn... Michelle and Steve (the former sea turtle) decided to spend the rest of their lives together.